oh boy

just got off the phone with his psychologist up at the treatment center. against my wishes i am scheduled to drive up there next wednesday to meet with both of them.

5-6 hour round trip drive plus however long we are in session...and however long it takes me to pull myself together afterward, because i'm guessing it will be brutal.

i hope i can actually do this with out falling apart and crying. i hope i can make clear sense and not just come off as angry and emotional, although lord knows i am both.

dreading the drive. both ways. there's about an hours worth of driving that is miserable with traffic and transfer trucks, and i drive a teeny tiny hybrid.

i've gained 4 lbs since he left...i miss the days when stress meant that i didn't eat, although a happy medium would probably be more healthy.

and yes, i know, it's classic. i have been swallowing my anger.

i have a lot of 'activities' arranged for myself this week, to keep me busy. let's hope i can follow through.

man, i so do not want to make that trip next week...i need to hit the beach for some soul soothing.

can't get 'adia' out of my head this morning, but that is more or less from the fact that it's the name of someone's daughter than the actual lyrics. i think.

i need something really excellent to read. something other than al-anon literature.

and as if by magic, u.p.s. drops off a box from doubleday. of course it's just a series of novels by lois greiman, and therefor total mind candy, but hell...i'll take mind candy right now. anything to keep me from actually thinking about things.

still being a total 'phone phobe' and not answering when it rings. just not up to it. which is stupid. it just isolates me more. idiot.

going to the grocer's and then going to dig in the soil and plant a few flowers. get a little sun. the pollen's just about done with us, i think.

this morning i didn't wake up feeling depressed. and i didn't wake up hating him.

that's new.

back again, no real improvement - 2011-06-02
growing - 2010-05-08
does sharing really mean caring - 2010-04-20
don't want to think about it now - 2010-04-13
trying to figure it out - 2010-04-12