huh.

i'm sick, btw. H1N1 virus. yup it's still around. and i have it. all because i never got around to getting the damned flu shot, and then flu season was over, so i thought 'what the hell! why get a shot i no longer need and that might make me feel like crap?'

only now i have it...feel week as a newborn kitten and even my hair hurts!

so, now i know the answer and next year i'll be first in line.

depended deeply on HIM today.

it's been exactly 3 weeks today, since his dui/night in jail. in 3 weeks and 3 days we go to court to see if he has to spend 60 days in jail or not.

he swore that he was done with it all.

swore! that he had hit bottom and had no desire to drink again.

swore!

so tonight he drank almost an entire bottle of gin, and went to bed because he was 'exhausted' with all of the stuff he had to do today, because i'm sick.

of course i was too sick to notice one way or another, but i just went to the bathroom to brush my teeth for the gazillionth time, because tamiflu leaves a nasty aftertaste, and there is sat...the almost empty bottle...on his bathroom counter.

this is what if fucking get for trusting him again. this will also be the thing that i hold over his ass so that he'll be proactive and pick a treatment center and go.

he CAN'T do this on his own. he just can't...and if he doesn't get treatment, this marriage is sunk. i can't live like this anymore.

dumb fuck. 3 weeks. he made 3 weeks sober and *bam*

and on a seemingly unrelated note, but not really, if you think about it, "why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?"

back again, no real improvement - 2011-06-02
growing - 2010-05-08
does sharing really mean caring - 2010-04-20
don't want to think about it now - 2010-04-13
trying to figure it out - 2010-04-12