i don't even know where to start.

i picked him up from the 'detention center' at 10 pm tuesday night. he was like a whipped dog.

he told me that he had spent 24 hours in a holding cell that had no furniture, just a stainless toilet. he had to sleep on a concrete floor. he was alone for the full 24 hours and had a lot of time to think.

he told me that if i was through that he would understand.

i just told him that he had to go to a treatment center and he agreed.

monday night was my bottom. i can no longer continue like this.

if he does not go to rehab for at least 60 days (90 is preferable) and if he is not serious about staying sober, then our marriage is over.

i feel at peace with this decision. i feel no sympathy for him at all.

he wrecked 3 cars that night. fortunately they were parked cars. he also totaled his car.

we meet with his attorney next tuesday.

he's already trying to re-write history. he tried to say that his last court appearance that they combined 2 of his dui's to one, so that this is probably just going to count as his 2nd dui.

i reminded him that the judge and his attorney told him that if he had another dui that he would be charge with the full sentence for 3 dui's. i don't think he believes me. it's not convenient for him to remember that.

now he's talking about going to 'passages'. he's already ordered the guys book on his kindle. what alarms me is all of the articles on-line that i have read that states that it's a scam.

of course he wants the easy way out. he wants to be given an shot or a pill or something and be cured. he doesn't want to believe that he has no power over the alcohol. he doesn't believe that he needs the help of a higher power. he doesn't want to get humble.

he wants to have a quick cure. after 10 years he still thinks that exists.

he's never really given aa a fair shot, he's always half-assed it. manipulated it to suit himself. he's never really worked the program.

now i have several issues with aa and how they expect those involved with alcoholics to live their lives. Chapter 8 of the "Big Book".

i also have issues with alanon and what it does and does not do, as far as helping those who are affected by their loved ones addictions...they do say to 'take what you need and leave the rest' as far as their homilies. i tend to leave most of it, as i have never found comfort in alanon meetings.

maybe it's hypocritical of me to want him to do the aa program, while i no longer do alanon? i don't know. i gave alanon a much longer shake than he gave aa. it just didn't reach me. maybe because i know that he's not working his program?

back again, no real improvement - 2011-06-02
growing - 2010-05-08
does sharing really mean caring - 2010-04-20
don't want to think about it now - 2010-04-13
trying to figure it out - 2010-04-12