he needed comforting and compassion last night, but i was honestly too numb and exhausted to give any.

i felt badly about that, but when you have nothing more to give, you have nothing more to give.

depending on sentencing tomorrow, at court, he could either be going away to jail for 60 days or a rehab center for 8 weeks. or he could be going to rehab and when he gets home he could be sentenced to jail time.

we have no idea at this point. his drunk driving on sunday was the final fuck up, as far as recent legal activities go.

his attorney is beyond disgusted. i could only shrug and tell him that we've taken the car away from him and that i can be a big enough bitch to not allow him to drive.

a neighbor can still swear out a warrant for his arrest, in which case that would be officially added to his court records. right now it's simply a case of everyone knowing what happened, but no official complaints.

it's 11:20 a.m. and i'm still in my pj's and all i've eaten is peanut m&m's, since i got up at 7 a.m. didn't sleep very well last night, but neither did he.

we watched 'parenthood' the tv series last night, and there was a scene with one of the characters who has an addict father who always had let him down in the past...he told me that made him feel bad and i asked why. he said it reminded him of the way he was with the boys. i just said nothing, because yeah, he's been pretty absent for the past 10 years...it pissed me off, because he said nothing about our daughter. he missed time with her too.

like i said, i just said nothing.

i doubt he'll give it a second thought. he doesn't like to dwell on anything negative that he's done. in fact he's very fond of saying, 'i can't do anything about the past.'...well chyeah, he can't do anything about the past, except he can not repeat it.

*d'oh*

still numb.

just feeling absolutely fucked right now. even though he'll be leaving on friday (rehab or jail), i'll be the one who has to drive him there...and i'll be the one who has to come back here and hold my head up while all the neighbors hate me.

there might be some irony in the face that they'll be talking about me and running me down and it's easter week...hmmm, didn't think of that until just now.

i guess we'll see how far their christian charity goes.

man i just want to get in my car and drive straight to the beach and hole up for, like, ever.

back again, no real improvement - 2011-06-02
growing - 2010-05-08
does sharing really mean caring - 2010-04-20
don't want to think about it now - 2010-04-13
trying to figure it out - 2010-04-12