feeling crappy today. i woke up with the worst headache. feeling nauseated. diarrhea. just awful.

i think it's a migraine, because it hurts to be in the light and hurts to look at the computer screen, tv screen or even listen to music.

stress migraine.

i have so many things that i want to do and so many things that i need to do and it's a gorgeous day outside.

i started feeling a little bit depressed last night. i don't know if it's the reality of what's been going on with my life, the reality of his being gone for 8 weeks (and i should be dancin') or if it's just sunk in that i could be facing a divorce by my 27th wedding anniversary.

spoke with my niece yesterday. actually she's my ex-niece? not sure how to relate it. she is divorced from my husband's brother's son, who in a normal family would be called my nephew, but since it's not by 'blood' then i'm his uncles wife...whatever.

she seems to be happy in her divorce. she's even started dating. something i would never do. don't need another man fucking up my life, no thanks. she's pretty bitter towards my nephew. i know there are 2 sides to every story, but his side has always sounded a little off to me, as much as i do love him.

with his background, and his father's influence, i can see him drifting into an affair. he's shacked up with some chick now...which is a huge source of her bitterness. the men in this family can't seem to go without a woman.

i worry that if he and I split, that he'll jump on the first available chick that looks his way...and it will be expensive, ugly and embarrassing for all. and yeah, there will be that jealousy factor, because in spite of all the shit i do still love him. maybe out of habit? who knows.

man i feel like shit. gonna try to lie down for a few minutes and see if i can shake this.

back again, no real improvement - 2011-06-02
growing - 2010-05-08
does sharing really mean caring - 2010-04-20
don't want to think about it now - 2010-04-13
trying to figure it out - 2010-04-12