no big surprise that he was drunk again tonight.

he could barely walk to the dinner table or to bed.

he tried to engage me in conversation, but when he's like that i just can't...

i'm trying to be nice. when he's quasi-sober, before the muttering and dark looks are directed towards me, i will engage. it's always a fine line. and when he's drinking i never want to give him too much encouragement, because then he wants to have sex, or as he calls it 'make love' and when i turn him down things get ugly.

i'm still reliving last friday's blow up with his declaring that he wants a divorce and how it's all my fault.

i think that will stay with me for a long time. it took years for me to even allow the word divorce to enter my mind, and here he throws it around as easily as though he were saying 'banana'.

and he tells me he loves me. i always want to say 'do you really'?

back again, no real improvement - 2011-06-02
growing - 2010-05-08
does sharing really mean caring - 2010-04-20
don't want to think about it now - 2010-04-13
trying to figure it out - 2010-04-12