"The quality of your recovery is proportional to the quality of your surrender."
~unknown

he was sober last night, for the first time in 8 days. of course he was prozac-wacked too.

he got a physician friend to write him a prescription for his 'anxiety', because he has decided to detox, on his own, yet again.

i don't know what i'm supposed to say to him about all this. it's ridiculous that he is putting himself in these straits, by trying to detox alone. it's ridiculous that his friend wrote him the prescription. his friend is a recovering addict, and really should know better, although there is no telling what donald told him, as far as his detoxing.

it wouldn't surprise me in the least if he told him he was planning to go to rehab, but wanted to go through detox before he went...it's similar to the line he fed me as to why he is no longer seeing his psychologist, i am sure...because the insurance won't cover more than 30 visits and he wants to 'save them up' for when he goes into treatment.

it's hard to believe him. for the moment i choose to just sit back and observe. he doesn't seem to listen to the experts, he doesn't listen to me either...i wonder if he'll listen to his
subconscious needs?

this morning he told me part of a dream he had...he said there was a house at the end of a road with a big wall around it. then he said he was at a golf course, but his legs were very weak and he could barely walk [frequent dream of his], so he wanted to leave and couldn't find his car, so he asked the police to help him find it.

house

to see a house in your dream, represents your own soul and self.

walls

to see a wall in your dream, signifies limitations. obstacles and boundaries. there is a barrier obstructing your progress. you may be too accustomed to your old habits and way of thinking.
[so, a wall around a house means obstacles and boundaries and limitations to your soul? self? well, he has little use and almost no belief in God or any higher power to help him through his addiction...]

golf

to dream that you are playing or watching golf, signifies pleasant indulgences. It may also indicate that you are idling and wasting time. alternatively, the dream symbolizes your individual accomplishments and your drive to succeed.
[so if you are dreaming you cannot play golf, because something is 'taking your legs out from under you'...does that mean you feel your accomplishments and drive to succeed are being taken away from you?]

lost/missing car

to dream that you car has been stolen or lost, indicates that you are being stripped of your identity. this may relate to losing your job, a failed relationship, or some situation which has played a significant role in your identity and who you are as a person.
[big fat honkin' "duh" here...]

police

to see the police in your dream, indicates a failure to perform or to honor obligations and commitments. the police also symbolizes structure, rules, power, authority and control. perhaps you need to put an end to your reckless behavior or else the law will catch up to you. you fear punishment.
["duh" once again]

well, his subconscious self seems to be screaming a message to him, but i don't think he hears it.

back again, no real improvement - 2011-06-02
growing - 2010-05-08
does sharing really mean caring - 2010-04-20
don't want to think about it now - 2010-04-13
trying to figure it out - 2010-04-12