fuck me. that's pretty much how i'm feeling right now.

he was supposed to be home at 4:30 and it's 9:00 p.m. now...he did call from the office at 6:00 to tell me that he was on a conference call, and he did sound fine. he also told me he was going to a 6:30 home owners association meeting. and it wasn't supposed to last long.

maybe he's fine, maybe he's not. i have no idea. if we were normal, i wouldn't be worried, but we aren't normal. so i worry.

he was actually sober yesterday. so for the month of january, he put together 10 whole days sober.

fuuuuuck me.

saturday night and friday night were no fun, though. he says the stupidest shit when he is drunk. he keeps telling me how much he loves me, but it's hard to feel very loved. he made a comment that he loved me and our children, well at least 2 of them. we have 3. i know who he was talking about and that both breaks my heart and pisses me off.

it's his fault that his relationship with our daughter sucks. he needs to be the one to fix that.

back again, no real improvement - 2011-06-02
growing - 2010-05-08
does sharing really mean caring - 2010-04-20
don't want to think about it now - 2010-04-13
trying to figure it out - 2010-04-12