"treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you - not because they are nice, but because you are." ~ author unknown

when he drinks he is a jerk. he can be all kinds of a different jerk. there is the arrogant jerk, who believes he is above all the rules. there is the horny jerk, who thinks that grabbing breasts or sticking his tongue in your ear is enticing. there is the argumentative jerk, who no matter what your intentions might be for the situation will generally manage to make you lose your cool, before he stomps off to bed with an injured air.

tonight he was the argumentative jerk. i'm not ever sure what was the final straw for him...but he stomped and said things like, "i can't believe you think that's right." or "if you don't know, then nevermind", when i asked him what was wrong [oh idiot me!].

we were discussing a deceased friend, whose wife had left him a year or so before he died, because he had become abusive towards her and their daughters...of course no one knew at the time that this man had a brain tumor.

his point was "marriage vows, for better or worse" and my point was "not if there is abuse involved!"...which he responded with, "well that would be 'the worse'" and i said, "um no. abuse. that changes everything." so he throws the tv remote down and stomps off.

now i know what he is thinking, he is thinking that i'm going to divorce him just because he's a drunken asshole an active alcoholic. well i've been putting up with this bullshit for almost 10 years now, so it's probably going to take something major to shake my faith and end this marriage.

still, there was a time when 'divorce' was not even in my vocabulary. now it's not such a scary word. oh, don't get me wrong, getting divorced after all this time and at my age is a very scary thing to consider, but even saint me has her limits.

oh, that i could be like saint monica...

back again, no real improvement - 2011-06-02
growing - 2010-05-08
does sharing really mean caring - 2010-04-20
don't want to think about it now - 2010-04-13
trying to figure it out - 2010-04-12