i prayed to find the right words to use. i prayed that my heart would be void of anger and full of compassion.

then i lost my temper anyway.

i confronted HIM about the past 3 nights and his drinking.

he actually had the balls to tell me that it was okay and that it wasn't the start of another bout of drinking..why would i be alarmed? it's only been 3 fucking nights in a row!!!!

he said he drank, because of his cough.

yeah. that was his excuse.

2 things i gleaned from our little 'discussion' today:

i mean i was full of righteous anger and every excuse he gave i was able to deflect with the merest flick of a finger. i'm over the excuses. he can either be committed to sobriety and us or he can be committed to his booze.

i'm exhausted. the combination of H1N1 and speaking my peace has worn me out.

and sure i cried today too, but it didn't make me feel weak when i did...it made me feel strong, for a change.

i'm sure tonight he will come home from work (and possibly sober) and have all kinds of revisionist history going for him...the thing is, i see very clearly now.

back again, no real improvement - 2011-06-02
growing - 2010-05-08
does sharing really mean caring - 2010-04-20
don't want to think about it now - 2010-04-13
trying to figure it out - 2010-04-12