happy fucking valentines day. at least he was sober today. albeit pouty.

yesterday we spent the day together and it was nice and relaxing. we went to a movie and afterward he was going to attend an aa meeting.

unfortunately it was a new meeting place and he couldn't find it.

so naturally he went to the liquor store and drank instead.

last night was miserable and today when i woke up, i had decided to just forget about the night before.

only he was stomping around and pouty..angry with himself, or so he says.

we went out to dinner tonight, which was nice, but of course he expected us to 'make love' it's valentines day.

it's all about him, right? never mind the fact that i don't feel safe with him...and i certainly don't trust him, so the whole 'making love' deal is a major issue for me.

and he makes it such a big fucking deal.

fuck.

if he wants to have intimacy again in our relationship then he has to find a way to regain my trust, and you know what? being sober would be a stellar beginning.

half the time i feel like a mean bitch for not just giving in, but i know how it makes me feel, afterward, and dammit someone has to be an advocate for my feelings and it might as well be me.

he just went to bed. all sad and hang doggy.

i feel sad every night he drinks. every single night.

i fucking hate this day. i can't wait until tomorrow.

back again, no real improvement - 2011-06-02
growing - 2010-05-08
does sharing really mean caring - 2010-04-20
don't want to think about it now - 2010-04-13
trying to figure it out - 2010-04-12