another night, another pass out.

i swear i'm just sitting here watching my whole world blow up, right before my eyes. and i really can't do a damned thing about it.

not sure how much he had tonight. quite a bit it would guess, judging by his rambling. he made no sense at all. said he was a box. said i made fun of God. kept asking me what i was saying, and i was looking at him, not saying a
word.

and he rambled on and on, i have no idea where his mind was...it was sort of like the night he said that "islam's are coming out of the dogs butt". now please, don't think i'm racist or anti-islam or anything like that. it's just a direct quote from a very drunk man.

sadly, i was the only one to witness his idiocy, other than the dog. or maybe it wasn't so sad. i always hate it when the kids see him this way.

at one point i was attempting to do the dishes and he decided he wanted to talk.
i just kept suggesting he go on to bed and that we could talk tomorrow. i made to move around him, so i could close the refrigerator door and he grabbed my right arm, above the elbow and squeezed.
it hurt. i asked him to please let go, because he was hurting me. he let go, but he said 'that didn't hurt'. i explained that he doesn't really know how strong he is when he does stuff like that and he said, 'if you really want to hurt, i can do that'. i just looked at him and said, 'i really don't want to hurt'.

thank goodness for both of our wellbeing that he didn't pursue it. although if he had, our 21 year old son was upstairs and he'd have no problem at all taking care of his dad. he has 5 inches and 20 lbs on him.

not sure if he actually made it to bed, i haven't been back to look. since we got home, last saturday, his closet has added 8 empty gin bottles...this isn't counting tonight's addition to his collection.

i don't know what the hell he is thinking. his court date is in 5 days. even if they do commute his sentence, he'll have to head to treatment soon afterward. so he wants to leave us with fond memories of drunken abuse?

to paraphrase dean wormer, in 'animal house', "fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, hon".

back again, no real improvement - 2011-06-02
growing - 2010-05-08
does sharing really mean caring - 2010-04-20
don't want to think about it now - 2010-04-13
trying to figure it out - 2010-04-12