"Pressure and stress is the common cold of the psyche."
~ Andrew Denton

okay, where to start this one. i have got to jet out of here in a few minutes, so it will be short and surly.

he drank yesterday. big surprise, right? he drank a lot. hopefully he's feeling like crap right now, but he'll never admit to it, of course.

i have a cold. an uncommon cold.

my head is so full of snot i can barely breathe. i've been like this since late november. it's my fault. i decided to use afrin to clear my sinuses, even though i know how addicting it can be, and here i am almost 2 months later and still stuffed up. i can make it 12-18 hours without it, but then i just can't stand it any more.

i know if i can stop for 24-36 hours that it will be out of my system, but there is just something about being able to breathe clearly that i feel appealing.

and yeah, i could draw a parallel between my afrin addiction and his alcohol addiction, i suppose. although i really can stop whenever i want to AND it's not hurting anyone else or really me, for that matter...just fucking with the membranes in my nasal passage, but hell it's not cocaine or anything like that! [please, please, please don't let us learn in 20 years that nose sprays cause alzheimers or brain cancer or holes in your nozone layer!!]

feeling pretty ambivalent about him today. pretty ambivalent about a lot of things. i need to go weigh in today, which i am dreading, because i haven't been there in almost 4 weeks and while i haven't gained a lb, i also haven't lost one...and i'm going to go in there one.more.time. determined to do the right thing by myself and start eating right and following the plan.

i'll be 50 in 8 weeks from today and at the beach. i'll be damned if i am 25 lbs overweight by then. sure, i'll still be overweight, but my body will be in calorie burn mode and by then i will have lost at least half of the weight, if not three-quarters, and that will make me feel so much better about myself.

ah, 3 day weekends always fuck with my mind. i have to keep reminding myself that it's tuesday and that i have p.e.o. today and that i also have to make a store run, because i forgot to get bread yesterday.

my brain is like a sieve lately. stress, i suppose. or snot. could be the snot. now where is that afrin spray bottle???

back again, no real improvement - 2011-06-02
growing - 2010-05-08
does sharing really mean caring - 2010-04-20
don't want to think about it now - 2010-04-13
trying to figure it out - 2010-04-12